It’s been a while.
A while since I’ve gotten to sit and write.
To Pour Out.
But I knew it was coming.
and now is the time.
Tonight was one of the most needed nights of the last few weeks of my life.
If you have been a part of my life lately, you have seen me in my biggest period of struggle.
So. much. stress. from. school.
I’ve been working on this project that took up all my time, not to mention working on all of my other classes, going to church, spending time with Jesse, and balancing out my social life.
But the stress has ended up bringing me so much bliss.
Now that I’m out of the cloud.
- a wedding planning project. Naturally, I loved every minute of it..despite the complaining.
The other classes?
- I'm doing well in school- there is bliss here.
- How could I possibly survive without it? I couldn't.
the communities, the fellowship, the worship, the scripture, the lessons, the art that I create while sitting in the services.
- He constantly makes me know that I am going to pull through. That I'm a fighter. That I'm stubborn. That I'm loved. That I'm cherished. That there is hope. That the world isn't ending. That a break is coming. That I am making correct decisions.
He holds me accountable.
Balancing my social life?
-I couldn't make it without the people I have gotten to spend time with. And even those I haven't gotten to spend time with who I love, I couldn't make it without them either.
Now, to what went down tonight.
Let me start by talking a little bit about TODAY.
today I turned in my project and Jesse watched me and my excitement for turning in something I worked incredibly hard on! In the process of turning it in I got to talk to three professors who invest time in my life. Who constantly show that they care about me, my future, and my success. Because they know I work hard and care about it.I found out that this summer I will get to take the class that is the MOST IMPORTANT class of my major-and my sister’s wedding is counting for it! I got to talk to my mom about a million times and to my sister for a solid 20 minutes or more. Let’s be real, they were really happy with a decision I made, so it made me really happy! I did what I felt to be right, and they affirmed that decision. That being said, I can’t wait to spend some quality time in Pensacola with them.
Ok, on to tonight.
So I had a girls' night with one of my best friends. Last semester we didn't get to really hang out, but this semester we have had a few really really great times. You know they're a best friend when you can keep up with each other's lives and pick up right where you left off even if you don't text much and rarely see each other.
We cooked together. We both love cooking.
It was just so chill and relaxing, and there is so much iridescent bliss in that.
Then we made coffee and sat down on the couch and watched a movie.
I am going to be a wedding planner and had never seen “The Wedding Date,”
so she introduced me to it.
WOW. It is precious, has wonderful quotes, and is such a great movie to just sit and enjoy.
Then we went to Target and got excited over things like new shampoo.
So we feel like grown ups.
Let's just say, this night was extremely needed.
The rest I got, the friend I got to spend time with.
Then I got back.
and I picked up my guitar.
I haven’t truly played since Memaw’s funeral.
which is going to be ironic for what you are about to read next.
I played, I remembered things, and I just soaked in the moment.
& then I opened my bible.
But before I did that, I said
“God give me the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Let me open to what I need to see.”
You will never believe what happened next.
God’s power and control are so transformational in my life.
“May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in him, so that you may OVERFLOW with HOPE by the POWER of the HOLY SPIRIT.”
On December 31, 2013, my Memaw went to be with the Lord.
The first verse I opened to that night was Romans 15:13.
But there is a catch.
I only read the first half of the verse.
The first half reads,
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him"
I tweeted it.
Throughout the next few months, I learned a lot about overflow.
It became one of my words.
The word that filled my life, my heart, and my spirit.
Joy has been a constant word in my life for quite some time.
What is the catch here?
The second half of the verse I flipped to tonight.
The same verse that I opened the night my grandmother died.
"so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Did you know that patience has been my lesson this semester?
And what comes with patience?
Did you know that my favorite bible verse is Hebrews 11:1?
Now you do.
It's what I strive to live by.
“Now faith is being sure of what we HOPE for, and certain of what we do not see.”
“May the God of HOPE….overflow with HOPE.”
Now, there aren’t words that I can physically write to you to explain the power I feel and see in this moment.
But maybe, just maybe, you will see it, too.
You will feel the chills that radiate throughout my body as I type.
Because a single verse was used over months.
Without me even realizing it.
He amazes me.
and this all, my friends, is iridescent bliss, in the most radiating of ways.
I find it funny, that over the course of the last few months I have felt like I am in a limbo state.
This state where I am not being used to the full measure.
But I think I just had an epiphany.
Does God not use my bliss in every post I make?
Maybe I have found the purpose I have been looking for lately.
To pour out. To give my heart out to all of you. Because you know what I think is really cool?
I have no idea who actually reads my blog.
Even if you are my friend who sees me on a weekly basis, I don’t know that you read it.
I don't know if I am touching your life.
I don't know if I am making a true difference.
I don't know what you think of my words, my stories, my heart.
But does that not keep away pride?
That it does, that is does.
To you who read my heart- find bliss in the stress.
Find bliss in the moments that change you.
Bliss in the moments that radiate and overflow.
Bliss in the joy.
Bliss in the peace.
In the patience.
Find bliss in hope.
Because you are my hope.
Did you know that?
Hope that maybe I am being used to the full measure.