When It Rains

For the last 3-4 weeks my life has felt like a constant Monday. That is honestly the best way I can describe it. It’s been a steady struggle and honestly pretty overwhelming. For someone who seeks bliss on the regular it’s been particularly tough to be in a storm.

“And chaos calls to chaos, below the waterfalls. All your waves crash over me, I’m crushed beneath it all.”

They always say “when it rains, it pours,” and I’d have to say that’s pretty darn accurate. But I’m not going to let the rain get me down anymore. Because sometimes the rain means we can wear cute little boots and pull out our adorable umbrellas and get through it just okay. In fact, rain is often a good thing. Rain washes away all of those nasty allergens that have been building up, it helps things like plants grow, and it creates puddles for little kids and puppies to have fun in. So why do we always make the pouring down rainstorms in life a bad thing?

“But sorrow as my company, I fix my eyes on You, soon again I’ll praise your name and feel my soul renewed.”

Don’t get me wrong, that’s what I’ve been doing, but I should probably stop.

You see, this past weekend brought a glimpse of the sun shining down in the midst of my rainy Mondays. It’s kind of ironic, because today has legitimately been a rainy Monday, but it was the first one in weeks that hasn’t felt that way. I guess the cool thing about the sun beginning to shine through the rain is that typically it creates a rainbow-which is so beautiful. I mean, if you really think about it, it’s something magical to see streams of colors running through the sky in the midst of the ugly, nasty weather. We often lose sight of that beauty when our life is in the midst of a storm, but I am realizing that it is there.

“A traveler never reaches that Sacred place alone, a light to always guide you along the narrow road.”

So “let your Monday be short and your coffee be strong,” and know that the sun is actually always there. Sometimes you can’t see it, and sometimes the storms are just too strong, but something beautiful always comes from the mess.

Today I am going to fully embrace my rainy Monday and pick my head up, because it’s not worth it to let the build up of things get me down. Life is too important for that.

Happy Monday, friends! Keep on keeping on.

“So steadily I keep my stride through every briar and thorn, although my flesh will falter, my hope is in the Lord. Because I know, I know you remain the same, even in, even in my wandering.”

 

 

S l o w D o w n

rest

We always read that busyness is glorified, but I don’t understand why. I am truly a busy person and I wouldn’t glorify it at all-in fact, I would knock it. I bounce around from being a full-time business owner, a full-time wife and mom to our puppy, to working a part-time job, working birthday parties on the occasion, and then giving the rest of my free time to volunteering next to my husband as he works in a Church. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love all that I do.

But man am I busy. I am so busy, in fact, that I have quickly realized in all of the things that I do I don’t do one simple thing-focus on myself-at all. In the book I’m reading, “Grace not Perfection,” one of the chapters spoke on making sure you are filling up your own well, and it hit the nail on the head with where I stand in life. Emily Ley pointed out in her book that God calls us to “love our neighbor as ourself,” and that we so often look at that verse as loving our neighbor but that we often forget to love ourselves. She pointed out that if you are someone who struggles to serve yourself then you should look at that verse and say, “If I was loving my neighbor as I love MYSELF, I wouldn’t be loving them very well.” 

That resonated with me a whole lot because in the midst of all I do I really, TRULY do not serve myself. That’s why this year my New Year’s Resolutions had to do with things I actively need to work on to fill my own well-to serve myself. 

Dance With Fear and Invest in Rest.

Rest is why I’m here today. I realized that filling my tank and resting means finding things to do that I enjoy and feel refreshed from, so here I sit, writing down my thoughts for anyone to read but really for myself to understand. I have spent so much of my life going and going and going that rest feels like I am shorting myself, and that is so broken. After days where I actually invest in rest I often feel like I wasted my day because I too often put my worth in feeling successful. 

But recently something happened. 

I fractured my foot. I know it sounds weird to hear this and even for me to say this, but it’s honestly kind of a blessing. Instead of feeling down about the fact that once again I am stuck in the boot (I played soccer for a very long time and had a lot of ankle injuries), I can focus on the fact that for the first time in a while I am being FORCED to rest. I have recently spent so much of my time jumping from one place to the next that I have absolutely exhausted myself. That’s so unhealthy, so if you’re reading this and you’re in the same place, JUST STOP AND BREATHE. Because that’s definitely what I needed to do.

You see, we so often define perfect as being busy. Why is that? What is it about being busy that appeases people? Why does running around exhausting yourself make you look successful?

It’s not worth feeling successful to run yourself ragged. My husband constantly reminds me of that.

So I am going to take this fracture and go with it. I am going to allow it to let me slow down and while it feels justified to rest I am going to work on changing my mindset.

I am going to learn how to say no to things because overbooking myself is what is leaving me feeling so exhausted all of the time.

I am going to focus on  s l o w i n g  d o w n  and serving myself so I can love more fully.

And most of all, I am going to remind myself that life isn’t about chasing perfect, it’s about finding bliss.

Away Chasing Perfect.

 

k+j-0001.jpg

I’ve been away far too long. Not for any rhyme or reason but just because I haven’t had a chance to really sit and write.

I have a lot going on in life and I just haven’t found the time. What an excuse, you know? You would think that I could make the time-I could-but I just haven’t. I guess I just needed a break because I was getting overwhelmed with all that I felt like is on my plate. Honestly, I was just gone trying to find and chase “Perfect.” (More about that at the very bottom of this post).

My life tries too hard to glorify busy sometimes. What about yours?

Life has been really good to me in the past year! It’s seriously almost been a year since I wrote a blog so I guess I have a WHOLE lot to update you on-so here are the BIG happenings:

I got married, which is only the best thing ever. You know the guy, too! Mostly because he’s the guy that’s been in the majority of the blog posts-yes, Jesse. That’s who! I am excited to tell you that almost 7 months into marriage we haven’t torn each other to pieces. In fact, we’ve done quite the opposite. We have grown so much and are probably two completely different people from when I wrote my very first blog, but in such a good way. We love marriage-a lot. It takes work though, that’s for sure. But it’s worth every ounce of work that it takes. It’s worth every second of every day. He’s just my person and I really got lucky with him. Marriage is blissful. I love Jess so very much, and am so thankful to be his!

We also got a PUPPY! Her name is Julep (yes, like a mint julep). She is bouncy and crazy but she is the cutest little thing. We love her a whole lot and can’t wait to have her as our little fur-baby for her life. She just loves so unconditionally. We could leave her for 4 hours and come back and it’s like we completed her world or something. She has such joy and love over humans.

I started my business. You know how I have dreamed of being a wedding planner for the longest time? Well, I did it! I decided that it’s worth the risk. I took the advice of those who love me and said “Now is the time. The time is always now.” So I started my dream and it is growing! It’s taught me so much patience. Which, if you know me at all, you probably have gathered that I am pretttyyyyy impatient. The Lord is just using my business to prune that fruit in me. He has really been teaching me through my business lots of qualities that He has to prune. I adore my business, too. I am really proud of what I am doing, especially because I used OUR wedding to launch it. I mean, that was extremely special.

I got a part-time job at a local United Methodist Church. You remember all of those posts I wrote about how I felt called to Ministry in some form or fashion and was basically running away from it because I didn’t feel equipped? Yeah, well, God showed me that He is definitely in the equipping business. I felt that it was important for me to have a part-time job while I am working on growing a business. I know that it adds extra work, but it also produces stability, and it gives me a means of working directly for the Kingdom of God and being more than a volunteer (oh, but don’t worry, I still volunteer with my husband at the Church he works at)!

I guess that’s pretty much all the updates I have on my life for you. I am just working the transition to adulthood, and while it has not been the most graceful effort, I have pulled through with the help of Christ and those that He has so graciously placed in my life.

Now that you’re updated, I can start back to my usual blog-the whole seeking bliss type of deal, but I wanted to point out something you might not have noticed. There has been a slight name change on my blog-more of a tagline really. I still have the title “Iridescent Bliss.” I need to keep that title because it drives me to seek joy and choose joy, and that is honestly what my life and business are modeled around. But if you look at the header you will see two words now: Chasing Perfect. Those two words have been on my heart for a while, and that is what my posts are also going to be focused on. I would love to one day write a book on it, but for now, this will do.

The point of having “Chasing Perfect” at the center of my header is to remind you and myself that too often we are striving for perfect. We are so caught up in chasing perfect that sometimes the iridescent bliss is masked. We are so overwhelmed but what the world claims to be perfect that we miss out on the moment. We are not here to chase perfect or even to be perfect. We don’t even have the ability to BE perfect. So stop chasing it and be real. Be honest. Be bold and be TRUE to who you are. Stop Chasing Perfect. 

I was, but I am not

“Kat, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I replied as tears welled up in my eyes.

“That’s not true. I need to go to my office, walk with me.”

I’m trying to hold them back, but I’m not successful.

We get to Jesse’s office:

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“I just need to cry it out.”

“Okay baby,” He says as he pulls me in tight. He knows that physical touch is my number one.

I sobbed. I cried so hard I couldn’t control it anymore. That’s when I looked up at him and said:

“I can’t keep pretending I’m okay.”

“I know you’re not, baby, but you will be. I know you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but it’s there, I promise. YOU will be okay. WE will be okay.”

and now, I am okay.

You see, I let things build. They pile up until I can’t take it anymore, and then that happens.

I just lose it.

I wish I could tell you what was going on, and why I was so broken in that moment, but it is still an ongoing situation, so I can’t post quite yet what is truly going on, but just know that you can ask me in person and I will definitely tell you, it just can’t be out there fully right now.

But let me tell you, things are looking up after today.

You see, I was giving the benefit of the doubt in this ongoing situation for quite some time, but in that, I was so afraid of conflict and confrontation that I wasn’t able to stand up for myself…until today.

Today I stood up for myself in this situation that has broken me.

And the people involved in me standing up for myself? They were all on my side. They spoke with grace and truth, and most of all, love.

Before today I was a coward- so afraid of confrontation that I couldn’t even bring myself to get up the nerve to talk to the right people about what’s been going on.

But today I did just that.

I was, but I am not.

I was afraid, but I am not.

I was letting that fear run me, but I am not.

I was lacking clarity, but I am not.

You see, it’s in moments like today where I realize that no matter what I think or feel, fear will always lose. The darkness will always be overcome, even if it takes a whole lot of patience and a whole lot of courage for that to happen.

I was, but I am not.

It’s okay to be, but it’s even better to defeat.

Today light won.

Light always wins.

All to Him I owe.

Training Wheels

You know that saying that goes “it’s just like riding a bike!” 

That’s how I’ve found bliss to be, and life in general, honestly. 

You get to the point where it is so natural and second nature that you can pick it right up again. Or if you fall it’s really easy to get right back up.

I like to think of bliss being like a bicycle. I like to know that I can fall off a few times and feel like I’ve forgotten how to find it, but then pick myself back up, get on, and naturally have bliss again. It makes it easier to think of it on the days where I feel like all is lost when it comes to finding bliss. 

Bliss is never lost. Sometimes you just have to try a little harder to see it! Just like when you haven’t ridden a bike in a couple of years and get back on one to ride around your college campus-you have to try a little harder to know how to ride the bike somewhere you’re not used to. 

I’ve mentioned the transition to adulthood being more difficult than I thought. To start, I didn’t give myself a break post college (I didn’t even give myself a summer break because I took classes instead) which I don’t regret any of that, but I understand now why breaks are good. And then I took a job that sounded great for stability’s steak. The job wasn’t what I thought, so I left for another job, and that’s where I stand now. There’s still a lot I’m trying to figure out, but that’s life! 

Here’s the thing though- I thought I had it all figured out. I was riding a mountain bike up big mountains. I was conquering fears and life was easy because I know who I am and what I want to do in life! 

I’m an optimist and a planner, so trust me when I say, it felt good when I thought I had it all figured out. 

But life isn’t centered around my plans. It’s centered around God’s plans for me. And I have a tendency to want to plan and to know what’s up ahead, which usually ends up in me making a choice that gives me a mountain to climb or a struggle to really find bliss. Every single time I just let go and let God control the situation, it turns out even better than I could dream of. 

And the more I realize that, the more I realize that while I thought I was riding a mountain bike, the whole time I was riding a bike with training wheels. 

The transition to adulthood is when the training wheels came off. 

And that’s why I’ve felt like I’m going to fall over. That’s why I’ve been afraid to move in one direction. Because I’m afraid to fall since those training wheels came off. 

But here’s what happens when your training wheels come off: 

You get really wobbly.

You finally balance yourself.

You get the strength to move forward.

You wobble.

You fall off.

You get right back on and keep going until you’ve gotten your balance right.

Think back to when you rode a bike with the training wheels off. Really think about it. Did you fall? I did.

But something I always tend to forget about that whole training wheel experience is that I wasn’t alone. My parents were standing there the whole time. They made sure I felt comfortable and then they let me go because they knew that WHEN I fell (not IF I fell) I would be okay. 

Just like God is there for us in life and in finding bliss. He makes sure we are comfortable but He lets us go and lets us experience the instability and fear-because that’s what grows us. That’s what shapes us, and at some point you have to take off those training wheels. 

125

  
There are 125 days until I marry my best friend, and that brings me bliss. 

My days and my weeks can go up and down like a roller coaster. They can emotionally drain me and elate me, but in the midst of it all, every day gets a little bit better because I get a little bit closer to being made one through Christ with the man I love. 

Words can’t describe how ready I am. 

He’s really been such a blessing for me since I met him, but this past year really took it to a whole new level. He told me that the wreck didn’t speed up his proposal, but it affirmed in that moment that he wouldn’t want a life without me. I cried when he told me that because of how sweet and thoughtful it was. 

He’s really been a rock for me throughout all of this transition and through all of the anxiety. He knows what to say and how to act and when to say it all. It’s really a wonderful thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect, and neither am I. We are constantly learning how to be better for each other and we are always growing. 

But in the midst of anything, he’s there. He has held my hair while I threw up. He has washed my face off. He has bandaged my wounds and held my hand while I cried. He has let me sob on his shoulder and fall asleep on the couch while watching our favorite shows. He has been my biggest cheerleader. He tells me it’s okay when I feel like it’s not. He has supported any and every decision I’ve made and encouraged me to make the ones I’ve been afraid of. He stands up for me when I won’t do it for myself. 

And he loves me. Despite any mood I’m in. He loves me. He chooses me and pursues me time and time again, and sometimes I really wonder why. I wonder how I am so blessed to get to marry him. 

So many people wanted him, but he chose me. 125 days can’t come soon enough, and I know I tell him a lot, but he can’t hear it enough-how much I love him. 

Sometimes days throw a lot at me, but at the end of it all I can go to sleep with a smile on my face because I have someone cheering me on, loving me, and making it known that there is and always will be bliss. 

I love you deeply through Christ, Jess, and can’t wait to be your wife ❤️ thank you for bringing me bliss no matter what else the days throw at me! 

Day off

My post yesterday got the most views of any post I have ever had! That’s really exciting and humbling, but I just want to throw out there that God is the writer here, not me. He’s really good at putting words into my mouth, and honestly, I learn more about myself writing this blog than I would without it.

I seriously appreciate all of the views and support I’ve gotten over bringing my blog back! You all bring me such bliss 🙂 

With that being said, I wanted to somewhat take the day off of blogging, but I wanted to explain why for those of you who for some reason, actually follow what I say daily: yesterday’s post was really heavy and took a lot out of me to write. It wasn’t just heavy word wise, it weighed pretty heavily on me, and I think that it would be best if I just took the day off from writing a true blog post. Soak in what was said, and I will too. I’ve gone back to read it like three times because it’s helped me cope with the wreck more. 

So, enjoy the day off of heavy reading!